Alfonso Graziano

Why Philosophy Is Important for Tech Workers Stoicism for Tech Workers Who Occasionally Yell at Their Laptop What Even Is Stoicism?We got a Production Meltdown Core Ideas in Stoicism (And Why They're Not Boring)Virtue > Everything else Control what you can, let go of what you can't Live According to Nature Control Your Judgments Practice of Negative Visualization Amor Fati – Love of Fate Daily Reflection and Practice From "Can't Control" to "Can Influence"Meet the Stoic Squad Marcus Aurelius – The Burned-Out Emperor Seneca – The Wealthy Work-Life Philosopher Epictetus – The No-Nonsense Coach How to Be a Stoic at Work The Office (or Home Office) Is Your Training Ground Handling Imposter Syndrome Like a Philosopher Dealing with Difficult People Without Losing Your Mind → Write Everything Down → Set Clear Boundaries (And Actually Stick to Them)→ The Helpful Redirect Technique → The Perspective Switch Surviving Tech Layoffs with Dignity (and Maybe Even Grace)When You’re Not in Control (Which Is...Often)Lead Like a Stoic (Even If You're Not the Boss)Resources to Learn More

Why Philosophy Is Important for Tech Workers

Let's be real: working in tech is a wild ride, usually is great, but sometimes it sucks.

One minute you're deploying a clean feature branch, the next you're deep in Figma trying to decode the mystery of "Final_v2_REAL_final_final.fig". Your CI pipeline turns red, the product team drops last-minute changes, and you're wondering if maybe you should've opened a bakery instead.

This is where philosophy enters the chat — not as a solution to your ticket backlog, but as a way to handle the chaos without losing your mind (or your temper).

Philosophy isn't about wearing weird clothes or arguing about "the nature of existence" while drinking overpriced herbal tea.

At its core, philosophy is about thinking clearly, especially when things go wrong — which, let's be honest, they often do in tech.

It gives you mental tools. Just like we use linters to clean up code, philosophy helps you lint your thoughts. It forces you to pause, reflect, and decide how you want to respond — instead of reacting on autopilot and rage-slacking your team.

We work in a world obsessed with speed:

Fast deployments

Quick stand-ups

Instant feedback

Constant notifications

But speed isn't always clarity. In fact, it can hide unclear thinking, poor priorities, and emotional burnout.

Philosophy reminds you to ask:

What actually matters here?

Is this worth getting upset over?

What's in my control right now?

Am I letting my ego drive the decision?

That tiny pause? It's your mental airbag. Use it.

Ever had a week where every task felt like busywork? Like you're just shipping pixels, fixing bugs, and doing standups — but none of it feels important?

You're not alone. This is called "loss of meaning at work", and sometimes, can degenerate into burnout.

Philosophy, especially the Stoic kind, gives you perspective. It reminds you that:

You don't control everything, but you do control how you show up.

Meaning isn't something the project gives you. You bring it to the project.

Your job is part of your life, not your entire identity.

In a field obsessed with optimization, automation, and productivity, philosophy helps you stay human. It doesn't solve your bugs. It won't make your project files less confusing.

But it will help you:

Stay calm when things break

Find meaning in small tasks

Communicate better under pressure

Reflect before reacting

Lead without ego

And maybe — just maybe — enjoy your work a bit more

So no, you don't need to become a philosopher.

But sprinkling a little bit of old-school wisdom into your tech life?

That might just be the best "framework" you ever adopt (and you don't even have to learn JavaScript to do so!).

Stoicism for Tech Workers Who Occasionally Yell at Their Laptop

What Even Is Stoicism?

When people hear the word Stoicism, they often picture someone who shows zero emotion, stares blankly at bad news, and says things like "pain is just weakness leaving the body."

Yeah… no. That's not what Stoicism is about. Stoicism isn't about becoming a cold, unfeeling productivity machine.

It's about learning how to stay steady — especially when life, work, or your CI pipeline is falling apart.

Stoicism is an ancient philosophy from Greece and Rome, around 2,000 years old, but don't let the age fool you — the ideas are surprisingly modern.

At its core, Stoicism teaches you this:

You can't control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you respond.

That's it. That's the whole vibe.

If you've ever tried to stay calm during:

A production outage

An unclear Jira ticket with 17 sub-tasks and no description

A coworker trying to convince you about something when you clearly know that you're right and he is wrong

A developer doing a 5 days estimate to change a label on a button

...you've already tasted Stoicism. Now we're just putting a name to it.

You might be thinking, "Cool, but I'm not a Roman emperor. I just want to ship features and make it through the sprint."

Exactly. That's why Stoicism is useful.

It's not about abstract theories. It's about:

Responding calmly to chaos

Letting go of stuff you can't fix

Focusing your time and energy on what actually matters

It's like having a mental reset button. A way to zoom out and breathe when you're caught up in the daily mess of tech work.

We got a Production Meltdown

Let's say it's a regular Friday afternoon. You've just made your coffee. You're ready to answer the last couple of emails and maybe even finish early. Then it happens…

The API is timing out. Error logs are piling up. Product is pinging your team in Slack like their hair's on fire. You've got users complaining, a PM asking for ETAs, and you're suddenly on a Zoom call titled "URGENT PROD ISSUE."

Now let's meet our two team members: Bob and Alice.

Bob's a smart dev, but when stuff breaks, he breaks with it.

He immediately starts blaming the last person who merged code (which, awkwardly, was him).

He panics, types furiously in Slack, and says things like "We're screwed" and "How could this happen?!"

He spirals into self-blame: "I'm such an idiot. I always mess things up. This is going to be on me."

He's mentally already picturing the post-mortem from hell and updating his LinkedIn with the cute #OpenToWork tag.

Bob's mind is in the "not in your control" column.

He's reacting to everything — the outage, the panic, the pressure — without stopping to breathe or think clearly.

Alice, on the other hand, takes a deep breath. She's seen chaos before — and while she's not thrilled, she's not panicking either.

Here's what she does:

She calmly asks the team to split tasks: one person checks logs, another rolls back the latest release, she volunteers to communicate with product.

She focuses on what needs to happen next instead of who to blame.

She reminds Bob (gently) that outages happen and that what matters now is resolving it — post-mortem comes later.

She does not internalize the event as a reflection of her worth.

Alice's mindset: "This situation sucks, but let's focus on what's in our control."

She keeps her cool, helps her team stay grounded, and avoids wasting energy on things that don't help in the moment.

The issue gets resolved. A rollback, a fix, a patch. The users chill out. Product chills out. Slack quiets down.

Bob is still stressed, emotionally drained, and low-key dreading the retro.

Alice is tired too, but she feels clear-headed and proud of how the team handled it — especially how she showed up.

In the retro, Alice leads with curiosity: "How can we prevent this next time?"

Bob, still rattled, opens with: "This was a disaster. I feel like I let everyone down."

Alice didn't feel less than Bob. She just didn't let her emotions drive the bus. That's Stoicism in practice.

It's not about suppressing emotions. It's about creating space between what happens and how you react. That space? That's your power.

And in high-stakes environments like tech — where outages, pressure, and deadlines are part of the deal — that space can be the difference between spiraling and leading.

I bet you want to become the second type of person, right? You might be a Designer, a Software Engineer, a DevOps Engineer, a PM, an Executive. Whatever is your role, being like Alice will pay high dividends in your career.

Core Ideas in Stoicism (And Why They're Not Boring)

Let's be honest — "core ideas of Stoicism" sounds like something you'd skip in a philosophy class right before lunch. But stick with me. These concepts aren't just old, they're useful, especially when your day is going off the rails and you're trying not to lose your mind on Slack (or in an office for the old school folks).

Let's break them down one at a time.

Virtue > Everything else

The Stoics believed that the only thing that truly matters is being a good person.

Sounds kind of basic, right? But hang on.

In the Stoic world, virtue doesn't mean being polite, recycling, or saying "namaste" in meetings. It means living with:

Wisdom (making good decisions)

Courage (doing the right thing, even when it's hard)

Justice (treating others fairly)

Self-discipline (not letting your emotions or desires boss you around)

These four are the Stoic version of your personal OKRs. Hit those, and you're doing life right—even if everything else is a mess.

What Does That Actually Look Like?

Let's say you're in the middle of a frustrating project. The requirements keep changing, your PM is in meetings 24/7, and the design team keeps handing you things labeled "FinalFinal2_v3."

Now, you could:

Complain constantly

Passive-aggressively write spicy commit messages (which, I admit, is fun sometimes)

Push out a feature that technically works but breaks UX

Or… you could choose virtue.

Wisdom: You ask clarifying questions instead of assuming the worst.

Courage: You give honest feedback to the team, even if it's uncomfortable.

Justice: You treat your teammates with respect, even when things go sideways.

Self-discipline: You don't let frustration dictate your behavior — even when it's tempting.

Chasing promotions, influence, or code perfection can burn you out or turn you into someone no one wants to work with. Stoicism says: focus on being a decent human who shows up with integrity every day, especially when things are tough.

It's not about being perfect. It's about doing your best with what you've got.

So next time you're tempted to rage quit, Slack-blast a teammate, or YOLO-merge at 5:55 p.m. on a Friday... take a breath. Ask yourself:

"What's the virtuous thing to do here?"

(And yes, sometimes the answer is closing the laptop and going for a walk.)

Virtue isn't just an ancient idea — it's a modern life (and work) skill.

In tech, that means:

Doing good work without selling your soul

Being kind without being a pushover

Saying no without being a jerk

Holding the line on your values especially when the pressure is on

And the best part? Unlike title changes, raises, or 100% test coverage — no one can take your virtue away from you. It's yours. You own it.

Sounds easy to say, right? On paper it is. In real life it's way harder. All the core ideas and values are not a pass/fail thing. They are more a polar star to follow. Sometimes you will fail. I personally fail a lot of times. The important thing is to keep looking at that North star and aim to do better next time.

Control what you can, let go of what you can't

We already discussed a little bit this, but as it's quite important, we need to dig further into it.

The mental equivalent of turning off notifications you don't need.

This one's a Stoic classic, and honestly? It's free therapy.

The basic idea comes from Epictetus, who said:

"Some things are up to us, and some things are not."

It sounds simple — and it is — but wow, it's also ridiculously useful. Especially in tech, where things are constantly shifting and breaking and being "reprioritized" halfway through the sprint.

Things you can control:

Your thoughts

Your actions

How you respond to stress, criticism, or weird design decisions

Things you can't control:

Deadlines set without your input

That one teammate who always pushes to main

Stakeholders who change their minds like the wind

How many meetings you get pulled into before lunch

Stoicism says: spend your energy where it actually makes a difference.

We spend a lot of time and mental energy worrying about stuff we can't fix:

"What if I get bad feedback?"

"What if they don't like my code?"

"What if this project fails and I look bad?"

Newsflash: most of that stuff lives in the Not In Your Control bucket.

Worrying won't help. What helps is showing up, doing your best work, and letting the rest go. That's where your real influence lives.

Next time you're overwhelmed, try a quick Stoic debug session:

Grab a pen or open a notes app.

Make two columns:

"Things I can control"

"Things I can't"

List what's bothering you.

Focus only on column one. Seriously, ignore the rest like an old Slack thread.

You'll feel lighter almost instantly. Like uninstalling stressware from your brain.

I know what you're thinking "alright, but even in some things I don't directly control, I can have an impact, or at least I can try to change things. Based on what you're saying, should I just let that go?" No! Later we will discuss how to still influence what we cannot directly control. Keep reading, it will become useful.

Live According to Nature

No, you don't have to move to a cabin and start foraging berries (but if you want, go for it of course, sometimes I wish to do something similar at some point in the future).

This is one of those Stoic phrases that sounds super vague at first. "Live according to nature?" What does that even mean? Should I stop wearing shoes? Start writing code outside under a tree?

Thankfully, the Stoics were not talking about hugging trees or becoming a forest monk. What they meant was this:

Live in alignment with your true nature as a human being — and with the nature of how the world actually works.

Still sounds a bit weird? Let's break it down.

The Stoics believed that humans are built for:

Rational thinking — not being ruled by our emotions Living in communities — not being selfish or isolated Making ethical choices — not just chasing money, praise, or promotions

So when they say "live according to nature," they mean: be the kind of human you were designed to be. Use your brain. Act with integrity. Think beyond yourself.

It's not about being perfect. It's about being aligned.

Another part of this idea is accepting the way the world works, even when it's messy and unpredictable.

Things break. People disappoint us. Plans go sideways.

Instead of constantly resisting that — like yelling at Jira tickets or being angry over a manager's last-minute "pivot" — Stoicism invites us to go:

"Okay. This is reality. How do I work with it, not against it?"

That's what it means to live according to nature. You stop expecting life to be fair, smooth, or convenient. And when you stop expecting that, you suffer a whole lot less.

Let's get practical. What does "living according to nature" look like in our world of deadlines, bugs, and team standups?

It looks like this:

Writing clean, thoughtful code — not just "whatever works"

Collaborating, not hoarding knowledge

Accepting that requirements will change — and building in flexibility

Realizing that people have bad days, and not taking everything personally

Staying curious instead of defensive when someone challenges your idea

In short: you're trying to be a decent, reasonable person in a world that doesn't always cooperate.

Why This Matters?

When you work against nature — your own or the world's — you burn out fast.

You get mad that you're not in control. You take shortcuts that don't sit right. You chase status instead of substance. And over time, that creates a quiet kind of misery.

But when you align with nature:

You focus on what really matters

You stop expecting perfection from other people

You deal with change like it's part of the job — because it is

You sleep better knowing you acted with integrity, not just urgency

It's not always easy, but it's simple. And honestly? It makes everything feel just a bit more grounded.

Do that, and you're not just a Stoic. You're also the kind of person people want on their team.

Control Your Judgments

Just because your brain says it's the end of the world doesn't mean you have to RSVP.

One of the most powerful Stoic ideas is this:

It's not events that upset us, but our judgments about them.
(Thanks, Epictetus. You're still helping us not lose it in standups.)

Translation:

Most of your stress doesn't come from what happened — it comes from the story you tell yourself about what happened.

What's a Judgment, anyway? A judgment is the instant story your brain tells to explain something.

A teammate rewrites your function

→ "They think I'm incompetent."

Your PR sits untouched for days

→ "No one respects my work."

A PM says, "Let's rethink the roadmap"

→ "They're killing my project. This is personal."

None of that is fact. It's interpretation — and usually, it's your worst-case version.

Here's the Stoic move:

You don't have to believe every thought that walks into your head.

Seriously. You're allowed to pause, squint at it, and go,

"Huh… is this helpful or am I spiraling for no reason?"

That pause is everything. It's the space where you shift from reaction to response.

Let's say someone leaves a blunt comment in your code review:

"This isn't scalable. Needs to be reworked."

Listen the voice in your head:

"Wow, rude." - "Do they hate my code?" - "I'm clearly not cut out for this job." Now stop.

Try a new judgment:

"They care about performance." - "This is feedback, not an attack." - "I can grow from this." Same situation. Different story. And now you can move forward instead of spinning in your head.

Our work (and life) is full of moments that feel personal, but aren't:

A rushed message

A postponed feature

A manager who doesn't reply right away

You can let your brain run wild and feel miserable. Or you can stop, breathe, and decide how to interpret the moment. One path leads to anxiety and resentment. The other? Clear thinking, emotional stability, and better teamwork.

Whenever you feel anger, shame, panic, pause and ask:

What story am I telling myself right now?

Is there another explanation?

What's the most useful way to see this?

You don't need to be a robot. You just need a bit of distance between the stimulus and your response. That's where your strength is.

Practice of Negative Visualization

Prepare for things to go wrong (because they will - and we all know that)

In tech, things break. Code fails. Deployments go sideways. That "quick fix" turns into a 3-hour rabbit hole where you end up questioning your career, life, and relationship with JavaScript (or even worse, PHP). Just joking, no one uses PHP nowadays right, right?.

And yet… we keep being surprised when stuff goes wrong.

Enter one of the most useful Stoic practices: Negative Visualization.

It sounds dark, but stick with me — it's more useful than a dozen productivity hacks.

What's Negative Visualization? It's exactly what it sounds like: You imagine things not going well.

Not because you're pessimistic, but because you want to mentally prepare for the worst-case scenarios — before they happen. That way, if (or when) they do, you're ready, and it won't hit you as hard.

The Stoics called this praemeditatio malorum, which is Latin for "thinking ahead about bad stuff" — because apparently they didn't have Slack, but they did have outages.

Why would I want to think about bhings going wrong? Because bad things don't hurt as much when you see them coming.

Think of it like writing tests for your brain. You're not hoping the app crashes — you're just simulating what could go wrong so you're not caught off guard.

Benefits:

You're less anxious because you've already "lived through" the bad outcome in your head.

You're more focused because you stop sweating small stuff.

You're more prepared because you already have a Plan B (or C, or "we-rollback-and-pretend-this-never-happened" plan).

Just take a quiet moment — morning coffee, post-standup, before a big release — and imagine:

"What could go wrong today?"

For example:

What if the deployment fails?

What if that client meeting goes sideways?

What if no one reviews my PR for three days and I start to take it personally?

Then ask:

What would I do?

What's actually in my control?

Will this matter a week or month from now?

You're not catastrophizing — you're pre-buffering your brain so it doesn't crash when things get real.

Let's say you're shipping a big feature today.

A non-Stoic might think:

"Everything's tested. It'll be fine!"

A Stoic thinks:

"Tests pass, but staging's flaky. What if the rollback fails? What if usage spikes and our caching isn't ready?"

So the Stoic:

Checks the rollback plan one more time

Notifies the team to be on standby

Mentally prepares for that awkward "why is this broken?" Slack message from Product

If nothing goes wrong — awesome. If something does go wrong, they're already halfway to the solution.

Important note: Negative Visualization isn't about becoming paranoid or expecting doom every day. It's about building emotional resilience, not turning into that one teammate who always says "I told you so". Just a few minutes of honest reflection can go a long way.

Amor Fati – Love of Fate

Turning "Why is this happening to me?" into "Okay, let's move on."

If Negative Visualization is about preparing for things to go wrong, Amor Fati is about going one step further:

Not just accepting what happens… but embracing it. Even the annoying, uncomfortable, not-part-of-the-plan stuff.

Yeah, I know. It sounds like a big ask.

In Stoic terms, it means saying "yes" to whatever life throws your way — the good, the bad, and the totally ridiculous — because it's all part of your journey.

Even the surprise feature request 20 minutes before EOD on a Friday.

Even the legacy codebase you inherited with no tests and mysterious comments like "FIX THIS LATER."

Even the job you didn't get, the deal that fell through, or the meeting that could've been an email. (this is an hard one, isn't it?)

Let's be clear: Amor Fati doesn't mean pretending everything is awesome.

It means choosing to work with what's in front of you, instead of fighting reality and wasting energy on wishing things were different.

You're not saying:

"Yay! Everything's broken and on fire!"

You're saying:

"Okay. This is what's happening. Let's use it."

It's like emotional aikido — taking the force of life and redirecting it instead of resisting and getting knocked over.

Let's say you've been working on a clean feature for two weeks. You're ready to ship.

Then boom — a major client needs a change. Suddenly, your beautifully scoped plan gets tossed, and your week turns into an improvisation session.

A non-Stoic might say:

"Why does this always happen to me? This ruins everything."

A Stoic practicing Amor Fati might say:

"This wasn't the plan — but maybe this will teach me flexibility. Maybe I'll learn something here I wouldn't have otherwise."

Same situation, two mindsets.

Only one of them gets through the week without rage-Googling "how to change careers." - I know what you're thinking, "this isn't the way we're supposed to work, I'm not sure to what extent I can accept it", I never thought that this was easy though.

Next time something inconvenient or frustrating happens, try this little mental judo move:

Catch yourself when you're about to complain.

Pause — don't immediately react.

Flip it by asking:"What can I learn from this?", "How can I use this situation?", "What if this isn't against me, but for me?"

No, it won't feel natural at first. But over time, it builds emotional range — and makes you a more grounded, adaptable teammate (and human).

Daily Reflection and Practice

Think of it as your mental stand-up (but just for you)

It's the practice part of the philosophy — the habit that turns all the cool ideas (control what you can, Amor Fati, negative visualization, etc.) into real, useful behavior.

Because let's be honest: reading Marcus Aurelius once isn't going to magically turn you into an unshakable, peaceful being who never gets annoyed when the entire system crashes because another team suddenly decided to change APIs without communicating it properly causing a chain effect which is a hell to debug.

You need reps. You need rituals. You need to check in with yourself like you check in with your team.

What Is Daily Reflection? It's a short moment of intentional thinking. Usually at the start or end of the day — or both if you're feeling spicy.

You ask yourself:

In the morning: What kind of person do I want to be today? What might go wrong? How will I respond when it does?

In the evening: How did I do? What went well? Where did I go wrong? What can I learn from it?

It's like doing a personal retro every day — minus the awkward silence and sticky notes.

Without reflection, we drift. We react. We get pulled into Slack threads and YouTube rabbit holes and suddenly it's 5PM and we haven't even remembered what our goals were.

Reflection puts your hands back on the wheel. It helps you live with more intention and less "how is it already Thursday and why am I still wearing pajamas?" (mom if you're reading this, I promise, it's just an example, it never actually happened to me).

Remember Alice, our Stoic teammate from the production incident?

She's got a simple daily practice:

☀️ Morning (5 minutes)

Opens her notebook (or app, or just her brain)

Asks: What could go wrong today?

Sets a small intention: "Be calm in meetings. Don't rush replies. Listen more."

Mentally reminds herself: "I don't control outcomes, but I control how I show up."

🌙 Evening (5 minutes)

Reviews her day: Did I stay calm? Did I react to something I couldn't control?

Notes one win, one lesson, and one thing to improve

No guilt, no drama — just honest review

That's it.

10 minutes a day to debug her mind.

And like a well-written test suite, it keeps her life from quietly breaking behind the scenes.

You don't need to overthink it. Here are a few easy formats:

3 Questions:

What did I do well today?
What could I have done better?
What will I try tomorrow?

Bullet list of triggers:

What annoyed me today?
Why did it get to me?
What could I have done differently?

Voice note / stream of consciousness:

Great if you think faster than you write and don't mind sounding like your own therapist.

"Ok, sounds cool somehow, but I don't have time to do it every single day. It looks like one of the things I start to do, I do it for a couple of days and then I forget about it".

This is honestly what I thought while I was writing this chapter. And do you know what? You're totally right! It might be that doing it daily it takes some effort you don't want to invest, or - like me - you believe you will not be consistent and forget about this.

How about doing it weekly? Block 15–30 minutes. Grab a drink. Sit with your thoughts (and maybe some lo-fi beats).

For a lot of people (especially in tech), weekly reflection is way more realistic and sustainable than doing it every single day.

You still get all the benefits — clearer thinking, better self-awareness, less emotional whiplash — just at a slightly zoomed-out level. Think of it like a weekly retro, but for you, not just your sprint.

If you want a template you can use here we are! Just copy and paste it in your favorite editor. It might be Google Docs, Notion, the Notes app, pen and paper, whatever fits for you!

🔍 Looking Back

1. What went well this week?

→ Example: "Managed stress better than usual. Communicated clearly with the team."

2. What challenged me — and how did I respond?

→ Example: "Unexpected scope creep. I got flustered at first, then paused and clarified things."

3. What did I not handle well?

→ Example: "Procrastinated on code review. Felt overwhelmed but didn't ask for help."

4. What triggered me — and why?

→ Example: "Last-minute meeting requests made me feel like I had no control over my time."

5. Where did I practice self-control, courage, or patience?

→ (This is your Stoic wins column — give yourself credit.)

→ Example: "Stayed calm during production issue. Didn't jump to blame."

🛠️ Tweaks and Experiments for Next Week

1. What can I try differently next week?

→ Example: "Buffer my mornings so I'm not starting the day in meetings."

2. What should I let go of that's outside my control?

→ Example: "People's opinions on my code style. Focus on clarity, not perfection."

3. What mindset do I want to bring into next week?

→ Example: "Be adaptable. Expect change, and meet it with curiosity."

It works great as a Sunday or Monday ritual. Reflect first, then plan your week. That way you're not just reacting to your calendar — you're responding with purpose.

From "Can't Control" to "Can Influence"

Because sometimes, "not my fault" becomes "not my responsibility"… and that's a trap.

In the last chapter, we discussed one of the best lessons in Stoicism, which is learning what you can and can't control.

But here's the thing:

Sometimes we put stuff in the "can't control" bucket way too quickly.

Because let's be honest — it's easier. It lets us off the hook.

"Oh well, stakeholders changed the requirements again. Nothing I can do."

"They pulled me into 4 meetings before lunch. What choice did I have?"

"My code review got ignored for 3 days. Typical."

But here's the mindset shift:

You can't control everything, but you can almost always influence something.

Let's look at some classic tech-world complaints — and then reframe them like a Stoic with a plan.

"Stakeholders change their minds constantly." - Classic. One day it's MVP, the next day it's "moonshot".

What can you control?

You can create better asynchronous updates that make them feel informed (and therefore less likely to panic).

You can ask clarifying questions that slow down last-minute pivots.

You can propose a simple change control process ("Happy to change this, but let's discuss trade-offs in our weekly sync.")

Pro move: Set expectations early and repeat them often. People respect boundaries — once you actually set them.

"I get pulled into meetings all morning and can't get anything done."

What can you control?

Block your calendar from 9–12 as "focus time".

Politely but firmly decline meetings unless they're with critical stakeholders or related to production issues.

Ask: "Do I need to be in this, or can I read the notes?"

Remember: Just because someone sends a calendar invite doesn't mean you have to accept it. You're allowed to say no.

"Nobody gives me clear requirements."

What can you control?

Start a project with a discovery call or kickoff doc. Ask the dumb questions. Yes, even the ones you feel awkward about.

Turn vague tickets into bullet-point checklists and share them back with a simple "Just confirming this is what we mean, right?"

Create a reusable template for feature requests that guides people to give you what you need.

Clear work starts with clear thinking — and you can model that for others.

There's a great mental model here:

Losers talk about what happened to them. Winners talk about what they did to win.

Stoicism isn't about pretending bad stuff doesn't happen. It's about refusing to be passive.

It says: "Yes, the world is unpredictable — but you still have choices."

If you focus only on what others are doing wrong, you stay stuck.

If you shift the lens to what you can do better, smarter, or differently — you grow. And honestly? That's the game.

Next time you catch yourself saying, "Ugh, nothing I can do," stop and ask: "Okay, maybe I can't control the situation… but what part of it can I influence?"

Write it down. Say it out loud. Tell a teammate.

The more you do this, the more powerful you'll feel — because you're no longer waiting for the system to change. You're changing how you operate within it.

And that's real leadership.

Meet the Stoic Squad

Now that we discussed some of the key ideas of Stoicism, let's meet the big three.

No, not JavaScript frameworks — we're talking about the philosophers who actually came up with this stuff (or at least wrote it down in between wars, exiles, and very dramatic Roman lives).

These are the folks whose thoughts still hold up thousands of years later.

Marcus Aurelius – The Burned-Out Emperor

"The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts."

Yes, that Marcus.

Roman emperor. Ruler of the known world. Kind of a big deal. But also… incredibly humble, introspective, and probably more mentally exhausted than most tech leads.

His book, Meditations, was basically his private journal — a place where he reminded himself daily not to lose it, even when surrounded by liars, chaos, bad luck, and annoying colleagues (aka, senators).

He didn't write it for an audience. He wrote it for himself. It's not a book to read cover-to-cover. You can just open it, and get a lot of wisdom for free. As a personal suggestion, in order to get all the beautiful shades of wisdom in his words, I recommend to buy it in your native language. You will probably appreciate it more.

Reading Meditations is like overhearing a stressed-out leader talking himself through a panic attack, and somehow... it helps.

Don't try to read it front to back like a novel. Open a page at random. Trust me. I personally use this every time I'm tired, stressed of feel the world is falling. Just take that on your desk. When you feel that something is very off, open a random page and start reading (even out loud if you like it).

Seneca – The Wealthy Work-Life Philosopher

"We suffer more often in imagination than in reality."

Seneca was a Roman politician, advisor to emperors, and also very rich — which makes it even more impressive that he spent so much time thinking and writing about how to live simply and wisely.

His most famous work, Letters from a Stoic, is basically a giant email thread filled with advice on how to handle stress, fame, money, time, people, and fear — and somehow none of it feels outdated. He talks a lot about managing your time — and your attention — like it's your most precious resource. (Spoiler: it is.)

Epictetus – The No-Nonsense Coach

"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."

Epictetus didn't come from power or wealth. He was born a slave, later freed, and eventually became a philosophy teacher.

He didn't write anything himself, but his student wrote down his teachings in The Discourses and The Enchiridion (a bite-sized Stoic handbook).

His main message: You control your thoughts. Not the weather. Not your boss. Not the ticket backlog (well, maybe the ticket backlog a little bit). His advice is blunt, direct, and oddly comforting if you've ever yelled "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?" at your monitor.

Together? They're your ancient-but-relevant advisory board. If you want to go deeper in stoic philosophy, reading heir works might give you a better understanding and a profound knowledge of what we're discussing here.

How to Be a Stoic at Work

Stoicism for the 9–5 (or the 10–6, or the 24/7 on-call)

We already discussed the stoic principles, and while describing, I also tried to bring some useful examples so that you can leverage these mental models in your daily work. Since during our job we have so many challenges, I want to invest some more time to discuss a few other cases and strategies to apply. The core concepts are still the same, but hopefully with some more practical examples you will have a few “ahah” moments (or as I like to call them “what the hell?”).

The Office (or Home Office) Is Your Training Ground

Why work is the perfect place to practice Stoicism — whether you want to or not.

You don't need to move to a mountain cave or sit under a tree to become more Stoic. You just need... a job.

Because the modern workplace — especially in tech — is basically a never-ending Stoic bootcamp:

You're constantly tested by things outside your control.

Your ego gets poked (by feedback, ignored PRs, or someone else getting credit).

You have to deal with other humans (who, inconveniently, do not always behave the way you'd prefer).

Work is full of moments where you want to react emotionally — but you can choose to respond with clarity instead. That's Stoicism in action.

So when:

Someone changes again all your priorities

You're asked to "just quickly" rewrite an entire feature

Or you get vague feedback like "Can you make this more... modern?"

That's not just work. That's your Stoic training ground. Your chance to practice:

Patience

Emotional detachment (not apathy)

Letting go of what you can't control (like, say, product scope creep)

Seneca said, "Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body."

He didn't say it in a WeWork, but the point stands.

So no, work won't always be calm, fair, or meaningful. But it can be your daily practice space — a gym for your mindset. And hey, if you're going to deal with ticket churn and calendar Tetris anyway, you might as well get some inner peace reps out of it.

Handling Imposter Syndrome Like a Philosopher

Imposter syndrome is that sneaky voice in your head whispering "You don't belong here" right as you're committing solid code, mentoring teammates, or deploying something real and valuable.

The Stoics didn't have GitHub, but they knew a thing or two about self-doubt. Marcus Aurelius — literal emperor of Rome — still wrote in his journal stuff like "Don't be overheard complaining, not even to yourself." If Marcus could feel like a fraud, you're in good company.

Here's how to approach imposter syndrome, Stoic-style:

Focus on what you can control: your effort, your learning, your integrity. Not titles, praise, or what you think others are thinking.

Remind yourself: you are a student of your craft, not a finished product. Expect struggle. It's part of growth.

Don't chase being "great." Chase being useful, honest, and curious. That's enough.

And maybe the most Stoic thing of all: You're not special for feeling self-doubt. Everyone does. Keep going anyway.

You don't need to feel confident. You just need to act with integrity. That's real strength — and it builds itself over time.

Dealing with Difficult People Without Losing Your Mind

We've all wanted to throw our laptops out the window after that one meeting with that person. You know the one. The client who changes what they want every week, the coworker who takes credit for your work, or the manager who seems to exist just to make your life harder.

But here's the thing: broken laptops are expensive, and HR doesn't like workplace meltdowns. So let's talk about some practical ways to handle difficult people without losing your sanity.

First, let's identify these types in their natural habitat:

The Requirement Changer: Just when you think you're done, they say "Actually, could we make it look better?" without explaining what "better" means.

The Credit Taker: Somehow your great idea becomes theirs by the time it reaches the boss.

The Unhelpful Critic: They drain your energy with vague criticism but offer no useful suggestions. “This code is not elegant, you need to refactor it” or “I need the UI to be more modern and look awesome”,

The Chaos Creator: Their entire way of working is "urgent emails at 4:55 PM on Friday."

Sound familiar? Thought so. Now let's tackle how to deal with them.

Do you remember one of the key lessons about stoicism? You have to focus only on what you can control. And here's the truth—you can't control other people.

What you can control:

Your reactions

Your boundaries

Your communication

Which fights you choose to get into

This means accepting that Janet will always send last-minute requests, but you can control how you respond to them. Now, just for fun, you can change “Janet” with that colleague you have in your mind in this moment. Think about him/her during the rest of this chapter.

There are a few strategies that actually work. Let’s look at them:

→ Write Everything Down

When dealing with Requirement Changers or Credit Takers, keeping records is your best friend. After every meeting, send a follow-up email:

"Thanks for the talk today! To confirm, we agreed on X, Y, and Z, with delivery by Friday. Please let me know if I missed anything."

It's hard to argue when you have their own words in writing. Plus, it creates a record that even the most stubborn person can't ignore.

→ Set Clear Boundaries (And Actually Stick to Them)

"I'm not available after 5 PM unless it's a real emergency" is a complete sentence. The first few times you enforce this boundary will feel uncomfortable. The Chaos Creator will test you. Stand firm.

If you give in "just this once," you've taught them that your boundaries are just suggestions.

→ The Helpful Redirect Technique

When someone tries to dump their work on you:

"I'd like to help, but I'm full with the Anderson project. Have you tried X approach? That might solve your problem for now."

You're being helpful without becoming their personal problem-solver.

→ The Perspective Switch

Sometimes the difficult person isn't being difficult on purpose—they're dealing with something you don't see.

That controlling boss? They might have just been yelled at by their boss. That demanding client? Their job might be at risk if this project fails.

Understanding their side doesn't mean you have to accept bad behavior, but it helps you respond better.

We all have breaking points. When you feel your anger rising:

The Bathroom Break: "Excuse me for a moment" is all you need to say before taking a two-minute breather.

The Three-Breath Reset: Breathe in slowly for 4 counts, hold for 4, breathe out for 6. Repeat three times. Nobody will even notice you doing it.

The Mental Eye Roll: Sometimes you just need to picture yourself rolling your eyes in your mind before responding professionally.

If you've tried everything and someone is still making your work life miserable, remember:

It's okay to talk to management when needed (but always be polite, and bring examples)

Sometimes finding a new team or project is the answer

In extreme cases, the problem might not be fixable at your current company

Your mental health is worth more than any job. The best work you'll ever do won't come from a place of constant stress and frustration.

Here's the ultimate stoic technique: work toward not caring too much about things you can't control. Not fake calmness where you're secretly angry, but the peaceful acceptance that difficult people exist and their behavior says more about them than about you.

When you truly don't take it personally, difficult people lose their power over your feelings. And interestingly, when you stop reacting, they often change how they act.

Remember, in five years, you probably won't even remember most of these frustrations. But you will remember if you let difficult people turn you into someone you don't want to be.

Keep working, stay sane, and maybe keep a stress ball at your desk. You've got this.

Surviving Tech Layoffs with Dignity (and Maybe Even Grace)

Getting laid off sucks. There's no Stoic way to sugarcoat it. But Stoicism can help you go through it with a little less fear and a little more composure — especially when everything feels like it's falling apart.

First, a classic Epictetus move: separate what's in your control from what's not.

Not in your control: the company's finances, market trends, that random exec decision.

In your control: how you carry yourself, how you treat others, how you respond.

You can leave with bitterness — or with grace. One burns bridges. The other leaves you proud of how you handled it.

Use the time to reflect. Seneca saw setbacks as teachers. Ask:

What have I learned?

What values will I carry into my next chapter?

What kind of teammate, leader, or builder do I want to become?

Finally: suffer if you need to. This isn't about suppressing feelings. It's about facing reality clearly, then deciding your next step with intention instead of panic.

Layoffs suck. But they can also be a reset — a pivot toward something better. The Stoics didn't expect things to last forever. And neither should we. What matters is what you do next — and how you show up for it.

When You’re Not in Control (Which Is...Often)

Tech work often feels like trying to build a house while someone keeps changing the blueprint. Monday you're working on feature A, Tuesday it's suddenly feature B, and by Friday, everyone's forgotten about both and now needs feature C "ASAP."

Working in tech means accepting that change is constant. The roadmap you carefully planned? It just got trowed out the window because a competitor released a similar feature. Those priorities you thought were set in stone? The CEO just had a new idea after reading a random blog post about Quantum Cloud AI. And Jira? Well, Jira tickets seem to multiply overnight like digital rabbits. (am I the only one scared to look at the black hole “Backlog” column on Jira, or worse, Azure DevOps?)

Here's how to stay sane when it feels like chaos is the only constant: Accept that change is normal, not an exception. In tech, change isn't a bug—it's a feature. The sooner you embrace this reality, the less frustrated you'll feel.

This doesn't mean you should accept poor planning or constant chaos, but understanding that some level of change is inevitable will help you respond better when it happens. Create your own mini-roadmap. When the big picture keeps shifting, focus on what you can accomplish in the next two weeks. Set personal goals that are important but not dependent on every decision staying the same. This gives you a sense of progress even when everything else is in flux.

Build flexibility into your planning. Instead of creating rigid plans that will break at the first change, build in buffer time and alternative paths. Expect that some requirements will change, some deadlines will move, and some features will be cut or added (ever heard about scope creep?). When you plan for uncertainty, you're less thrown when it happens.

Document the changes. Keep a simple log of how priorities have shifted. This helps in several ways: it gives you perspective (showing that this has happened before and you survived) and it helps you explain to others why certain tasks are taking longer than expected.

Learn to ask "why" effectively. When priorities shift, understanding the reason helps you adapt better. "I notice we're shifting focus from feature A to feature B. Can you help me understand what's driving this change?" This isn't questioning authority—it's gathering information to work more effectively.

When projects get cut or priorities change, it can feel like your effort was wasted. It wasn't. You learned something, you built skills, and you showed up. The project outcomes aren't entirely in your control, but your response to them is.

In every chaotic situation, there are things you can influence and things you can't (we discussed this in depth in the other chapter). Focus your energy on the former. Can't control the shifting roadmap? Focus on writing great code for whatever feature is currently prioritized.

Take breaks. Seriously. When everything feels like it's in flux, stepping away—even for 15 minutes—helps reset your perspective. A short walk or even just making a cup of tea can help you come back with fresh eyes (even though I prefer a Croissant with Nutella and a double Espresso, but you choose!).

So the next time priorities shift without warning, take a deep breath, remind yourself that this is normal, and focus on what you can control. Your future self will thank you for maintaining your sanity in the midst of the chaos.

Lead Like a Stoic (Even If You're Not the Boss)

You don't need a fancy title to be a leader. In fact, some of the most influential people on any tech team aren't managers at all, they're the reliable colleagues who stay calm during crises, offer solutions instead of complaints, and help others succeed without needing credit (do you remember Alice, right?).

Ancient philosophers knew a thing or two about influencing others without drama or power plays. Here's how to apply their wisdom in your everyday work life, regardless of your position on the org chart.

Focus on what you can control. This is the golden rule of Stoicism and leadership. You can't control if your project gets cut, but you can control how you respond. You can't control if your coworker is difficult, but you can control how you interact with them. When things go sideways (and they will), ask yourself: "What part of this can I actually influence?" Then put your energy there.

Practice quiet competence. True leadership isn't about being the loudest in the room. It's about being the person others look to when things get tough. Build your skills, deliver consistently, and help others without fanfare. People notice reliability more than self-promotion.

Choose your responses, don't react.

When someone sends that frustrating email or your project faces unexpected obstacles, take a breath before responding.

Good leaders don't waste energy fighting against what's already happened. Server down? Accept it and focus on solutions. Requirements changed again? Accept it and adapt. This doesn't mean being passive—it means not wasting precious energy on wishful thinking.

Treat failures as feedback, not personal flaws. When your code breaks or your idea gets rejected, see it as useful information, not a judgment of your worth. Then share this approach with others: "That didn't work as expected. What can we learn from this?" Speak simply and honestly. Clear communication is a superpower. Skip the jargon, the hedging, and the corporate-speak. Your teammates will appreciate knowing exactly where they stand with you.

Help others succeed without seeking credit. True leaders create more leaders, not followers. Share knowledge, offer guidance, and celebrate others' victories as enthusiastically as your own. The team's success is your success. Lead by example, not by command. Want your team to write better documentation? Write excellent docs yourself. Want more thoughtful code reviews? Give thoughtful reviews. People pay more attention to what you do than what you say.

Even without the title, these Stoic approaches to leadership can make you the person others naturally turn to and want to work with. And ironically, leading this way often leads to formal leadership roles eventually—though that shouldn't be your primary motivation.

The best compliment isn't being called a boss—it's when someone says, "I always feel like I can count on you." That's leadership, title or not. Do you know that colleague you can always count on? You might learn a thing or two by looking at how that person behaves, and at some point, people will count on you as well.

Resources to Learn More

Here's a small toolkit to start your journey:

The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday – One-page-a-day format. Very manageable, even with a chaotic schedule. Also the YT channel deserves a visit

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius – The original "I wrote this for myself but you can read it too" journal

Letters from a Stoic by Seneca – Practical advice from 2,000 years ago that still hits

Discourses and Enchiridion by Epictetus – Tough but wise. Like your favorite grumpy mentor.

Modern Stoicism Website – modernstoicism.com — Free courses, articles, and a cool community

The Stoic Engineer - Using ancient Philosophy to solve modern real-world issues

Why Philosophy Is Important for Tech Workers

Stoicism for Tech Workers Who Occasionally Yell at Their Laptop

What Even Is Stoicism?

We got a Production Meltdown

Core Ideas in Stoicism (And Why They're Not Boring)

Virtue > Everything else

Control what you can, let go of what you can't

Live According to Nature

Control Your Judgments

Practice of Negative Visualization

Amor Fati – Love of Fate

Daily Reflection and Practice

From "Can't Control" to "Can Influence"

Meet the Stoic Squad

Marcus Aurelius – The Burned-Out Emperor

Seneca – The Wealthy Work-Life Philosopher

Epictetus – The No-Nonsense Coach

How to Be a Stoic at Work

The Office (or Home Office) Is Your Training Ground

Handling Imposter Syndrome Like a Philosopher

Dealing with Difficult People Without Losing Your Mind

→ Write Everything Down

→ Set Clear Boundaries (And Actually Stick to Them)

→ The Helpful Redirect Technique

→ The Perspective Switch

Surviving Tech Layoffs with Dignity (and Maybe Even Grace)

When You’re Not in Control (Which Is...Often)

Lead Like a Stoic (Even If You're Not the Boss)

Resources to Learn More